Sport and Profit
by byJanus
Summary: The equivalent of burning Othello Mary Sues in effigy.


"Tush! Never tell me? I take it much unkindly that thou, Iago, who hast had my purse as if the strings were thine, shouldst know of this."  
She fell hard on the cobbled street, her head smacking the damp stone. The noise gave pause to the men's conversation, but a moment's glance satisfied their curiosities. Warmly grasping his friend's shoulder, Iago drew the man back to him.  
"'Sblood, but you'll not hear me! If ever I did dream of such a matter, abhor me."  
Her skin felt rough and broken at the temple; nausea forced her down each time she moved to gaze at her companions.

The wench hadn't stirred when Iago made his return, almost a quarter hour hence. It was pitiful, that a woman should lie so, on Venetian streets. He knelt beside her, his soldier's-grin quickly replaced with honest grief.  
"How now? Mistress? Not dead, I pray thee!" Brushing her hips found the telltale bulge of a purse, quickly stowed with Iago's own.  
"Mistress?"  
"O God." The whimper was quiet enough to be ignored, and Iago took full liberty.  
"Hey! You, I – Don't go!"  
"Thou'rt ill-dressed for thy trade, strumpet; there are not yet water-flies enough in Venice to support thee. An thou wert in Florence – or any town made so for the whims of men – thou mayst find thyself an honest woman; there, men would fawn on thee, alike in habit as thou art. Come, I find no offence in't." He pulled her to her feet. "Belike they are as nearly to blame. Now, art thou recovered?"  
"I'm fine." She steadied herself on his arm. "I'm not some whore! I don't look like a whore! What do you mean, trade? You think I'm a prostitute?"  
"Peace, go to." He twitched with barely-suppressed laughter. "Back to thy work, woman."  
"I'm not a whore! No, stop, I'm looking for-" She grasped at him with surprising roughness. "I'm looking for the Sattigary. Do you know where it is?"  
"The Sagittary?" With a bow, he offered his hand. "Would you wish my guard, my Lady?"  
"What? You'll show me where it is?"  
"I'll not pay thy board. But i'faith, though I am already bound for it, I am wanted there on the instant. I cannot dally with thee, _Lady_. That thou mayst easily find it, wait here awhile, for thine escort. I must leave thee."  
"What do you _mean_?" Already, he was paces ahead of her. "Wait!"

She arrived flushed, faint from the exertion. Lounging at the bar, Iago spared a smile as she caught his eye. With a glance to the stairwell, he hurriedly straightened.  
"General!"  
"Welcome, good Iago. Tell me, what news dost thou bring?"  
"Of the general cause, I am as blind as you – but for your own particular strife, my lord, I am almost ashamed to tell you. A knave, one Roderigo – a man that, by this hand, I did consider a friend, 'til that he did such offence to your lordship – hath been tonight to rouse your lady's father; I saw them in the streets, even as I came to warn you. Though in the trade of war I have slain men, yet do I hold it very stuff o' the conscience to do no contrived murder: I lack iniquity sometimes to do me service: nine or ten times I had thought to have yerk'd him here under the ribs."  
"'Tis better as it is."  
"Nay, but he prated, and spoke such scurvy and provoking terms against your honour that, with the little godliness I have, I did full hard forbear him–"  
The girl was before them now, almost pouting.  
"You're _Iago_." She turned with reverence to the moor. "Othello! He's evil! He wants to make you think Destamona's sleeping with Cassio and make you kill her! And he wants to kill you!"  
Iago crinkled around the eyes, his mouth kept faithfully neutral. The General's face showed only confusion.  
"What art thou, mistress? Thou mak'st accusations most grave against my friend; what proof hast thou to bring against him?" He spread his hands in an attempt to calm her. "Thou art not well; thy speech is bawdy-"  
"I'm Mandelina," She interrupted, "I'm not a whore." Glaring darkly at Iago, she went on. "And he's evil. He's a _devil_." She paused, and waited for effect.  
"Wherefore say'st thou this? Iago, dost thou know this woman?"  
"My lord, I found her even now, and by my life, I cannot say I saw her ere this day; nor would I venture to say aught she knows of your wife – for I pray you, sir, are you fast married?"  
"Ay, and well it is. But I prithee, where didst thou find her?  
"May you have joy of her." He grinned. "As for this, she lay i' the street; I saw her well and, in haste, did seek to find you. For know, my noble lord: your new blood, he brands you as contagion, and means straight to cure his grief."  
"Let him do his spite: my services which I have done the signiory shall out-tongue his complaints. But, look! What lights come yond?"  
Iago seemed startled, "Those are the raiséd father and his friends: you were best go in."  
"Not I; I must be found; my parts, my title, and my perfect soul shall manifest me rightly. Is it they?"  
"It's _Cassio_." Mandelina glowered. "It doesn't matter; listen to me!"  
"By the mass, I think our lady-mistress right." Iago raised his cup in toast to her, grinned at the emerging forms of Cassio and officers, struggling to meet them across the drunken nightlife of the bar.  
The moor greeted them with an easy smile. "The servants of the duke, and my lieutenant. The goodness of the night upon you, friends!" Cassio dipped his head. "What is the news?"  
"The duke does greet you, general, and he requires your haste-post-haste appearance, even on the instant."  
"Stop this! Listen!" Mandelina's interjection had the officers' disapproval, but they silenced themselves with only a glance at the moor.  
Cassio moved twice to speak. "My lady," Uncertain, he looked to his General. "My business is urgent; canst thy quarrel find no better time?" He paused. "We will gladly hear you after."  
Othello broke in. "What news, lieutenant? What would the duke of me, at this hour of the night?"  
A faint blush tinted Cassio's cheeks at the word – _lieutenant_ –, colour almost hidden by shadow, and he smiled; one of Iago's brows twitched shortly upward.  
"Something from Cyprus, as I may divine." Loudly, clearly. Cassio's eagerness was clipped a little, hidden by court-formality. "It is a business of some heat: the galleys have sent a dozen sequent messengers this very night at one another's heels; and many of the consuls, rais'd and met, are at the duke's already." Some friendship and admiration crept in, and he smiled again. "You have been hotly call'd for; When, being not at your lodging to be found, the senate hath sent about three several quests to search you out."  
"'Tis well I am found by you." As the moor set toward the door, so did the rest of his company. "I will but spend a word here in the house, and go with you." Turning, he retreated up the stairwell.

"Ancient, what makes he here?"  
"Faith, he to-night hath boarded a land carack: if it prove a lawful prize, he's made forever."  
"He married Desdemona." Mandelina offered, thrilling as Cassio brightened with the news.  
"My lady." The title held with less respect now, and Cassio corrected himself. "Mistress. Hadst thou some concern?" He glanced to the stairs. "If time allows, we can list thee now."  
"Yes." Her eyes fixed on him; he shifted uncomfortably. "Oh! Yes. It's Iago!" She pointed, quickly looking again to Cassio.  
"Good lieutenant, you have taken up with the devil." Iago took her cause with some relish. "Zounds, man, your honour is tainted, you fraternise with hell. In faith, I mean to murder our General." He grinned. "Sure my wife needs be brought to account, for I am branded with horns."  
Cassio laughed. "What do you mean, Iago?"  
He smirked a little, in play. "I am accused of knavery; Our Lady will tell you more." Cassio turned, expectant.  
Mandelina floundered for a moment. "Yes…he's evil. He wants to kill you. And Othello. And Destamona." She paused; her bearings lost after Iago's self-mockery. "He – the handkerchief! He gives you Destamona's handkerchief and he thinks you sleep with her. Ocular proof!"  
"Thou prophesise'st wildly, mistress." The moor stepped up behind her. "Tame thyself. We have heard thy word; thou canst do no more here. Prithee, keep thy peace; for if thou disturb'st the street with slander and false prophesy, thou shalt find answer in the law."  
"Here comes another troop to seek for you." Cassio was quick with urgency.  
"It is Brabantio. –General, be advis'd; he comes to bad intent."

_A/N: Desdemona has been intentionally misspelled, in mockery of another Sue. Only the Sue will use this spelling. Also, Mandelina is one of the worst names I have ever heard.  
__And, though I'm fundamentally against author's notes, a final point: she will have much worse happen to her._


End file.
